God and I

That’s all I need. I have been living my life looking for love and approval from others. People who weren’t going to give me those things anyway. No matter how much love, patience, and support you give; it may never be enough to change people.

I have always striven for the approval and acceptance of my mother who never really cared or worried so much of me. She always longed for the love and acceptance of my other siblings so she pushed me aside because she thought I would always be there. Not anymore. I have finally decided to cut all ends with my family- a group of toxic people who never did anything good for me anyway.  Every year, every occasion, every accomplishment…they ruined for me. I work so hard for these things in my life and they ruin it time and time again. That’s what pisses me off. I stand by my mother’s side in everything and for what? So she can throw me under the rug. I had it. I am my own family now. I am taking ownership of who I am and exactly what I do with my life because there is absolutely no one there to stop me. There is no one there  have to discuss these things with so I am owning my decision and my person.

The reason why I say God and I is because I have to give credit when credit is due. All that i have accomplished in my life…the wins and the obstacles i thought i would never get over is because of God. There have been times in my life where I thought I wasn’t going to make it…times where I wanted to end it all…but the Lord picked me up in his arms and rose me up. Nothing that i have attained in my life has been because of my parents or my family. All of it was because of my ambition, my strength, and my faith- all in which I attained from Him.

The decision hurts me that I have to remove myself from my family, but it’s for the best…it’s for my growth. I’m going to make a new life out of this new found independence and I am not afraid because the Lord is with me. Leave everything in the hands of God, and you will see God’s hand in everything.

 

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